You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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