Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
