Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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