Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
