3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Small penises have feelings too.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize