so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
