There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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