Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
