If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
