if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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