i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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