Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
