If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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