Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
