i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
