I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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