You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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