; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
