would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
