Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
