I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
