2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
