I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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