Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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