Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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