There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize