I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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