WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
