Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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