I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
