I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
