It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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