She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
