I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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