toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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