She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize