It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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