I puked a lego.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
