Don't you send me to vm
Are we in a gay sports bar?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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