Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
