those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
