you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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