it wasn't lemon gatorade
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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