Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
