i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
