My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
