just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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