this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
