why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
