I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
