im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
