Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
not ubering you a puppy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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