sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
