Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
