Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize