so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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