I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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