he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
