i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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