if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
