batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
