i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
