Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
