Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
