I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
