dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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