Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
