Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
