Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
