So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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