do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
