the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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