I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
