According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize