Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
