You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
