dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
