JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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