he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
