Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
