Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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