angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize