got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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