I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
