she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
