So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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