One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
