can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
