You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
