I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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