just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
