I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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