Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
