I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
