that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
