I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
