shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
