I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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