Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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